*Cues Taylor Swift “22”*
Since I’m typically happy, super outgoing and a social butterfly people assume I have it all together. Well let me disprove that myth. I don’t! I’m human like everybody else. I’ve just learned to still wear a smile *cues Kirk Franklin “Smile”* and only divulge certain information to my closest friends/family. I’m such an open book on the outside but when it comes to my personal life, I’m a super private person. I put things out there on a need-to-know basis, and if you don’t need to know, you won’t know. However, I promised myself if and when I started my blog, I would also use this as an outlet and be completely transparent and open in hopes to help someone else. So here it goes:
For the last 3 years (it started before I turned 30) I was over being in my 30s. So 2 years ago, when I was anticipating my 30th birthday, I had recently quit H&M (a story for another time) and was super depressed about turning 30. I felt like I was NOWHERE close to where I planned or wanted to be and had no idea when I would get there. My grandmother was dying (my heart), I had moved back to my home town, Raleigh, where I had barely any friends, besides Julese (hey girl!), and my social life was non-existent. I was out of a full time job practically that whole year (yes I know you probably had no idea). I was doing my freelance work with FLAME (which I loved of course), working small jobs here and there and substitute teaching in the interim.
So last year right before my birthday, I was starting a new position (my store manager position at a local boutique) and had no idea what to expect. I was a little overwhelmed because this was a new role for me and I was kind of being thrown in the fire with little to no training. I knew I could handle it and was up for the challenge but it was still a bit intimidating. I had also recently moved back home with my parents (again, another story for another time) and felt like my life was literally starting over! I had so many emotions flowing and had no idea on how to deal with them all.
Nonetheless this time, even though I was still unsure, I was kind of excited and thinking things are starting to turn around.
Fast forward to this year, a year later I find myself back in the same position trying to figure out life again. My company decided to close my store location and I was being laid off, AGAIN! So here I am, right before my birthday trying to figure out my next move, and what I’m going to do after my store closes. This seemed to have become some cycle or trend BUT this time there’s a difference, I’m in a completely different space!
Even though I still may not be exactly where I want to be and may have lost my job again, it just feels different. I always live by the quote-
If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” ~ Woody Allen
But luckily I know how God works in my life and He’s always got me, even when I’m clueless. (keep reading below)
Here’s why it’s different:
First and foremost, I know God has a plan for me (even when I don’t know the plan)!
I always have grace and favor on my side (literally what my name means)!
Every experience has been a benefit to my ultimate goal!
FLAME is back in the forefront (shameless plug)!
I’m in a healthy relationship and madly in love!
I’m not broke (Hey savings! The last two times were the ultimate struggle)!
My credit score is rising (I mean seriously if this isn’t a goal at 30+ then what is?!)!
And my support system is literally THE BOMB (I love yall!)!
God has a way of LITERALLY pushing me to my next level when I get too comfortable or content, because He knows I have a hard time saying goodbye. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever really be able to quit a job on my own time, because I’m loyal (sometimes to a fault) and it’s hard for me to leave unless I’m forced or pushed.
I had put my personal business on the back-burner because my full-time position was so demanding. So this gave me the chance to re-focus on that again. And start blogging!
I’ve given up fear I have no worries and have completely put my faith in God. So what’s different about this birthday is a YES, I am literally feeling 22, NOT 32 (although sometimes my body begs to differ). I’m completely happy and excited even though I have no idea what’s next or what’s in store for me. But I’m ready and willing for any and everything. I’m just here to take the ride!
So HAPPY 32nd BIRTHDAY to me because Everything’s 24 Karis and I’m ready to see what 32 has in store for me.
Trust God and Trust the Process!!! He’s always got your back!